My postpartum journey entry #2: find your mama tribe

You’ve gotta know and love the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I decided to look that saying up and according to Wikipedia (which I leveraged for the sake of time so forgive me if this is not 100% accurate) it states that "It takes a village to raise a child" is an African proverb that means that an entire community of people must provide for and interact positively with children for those children to experience and grow in a safe and healthy environment.

This goes beyond saying that you simply need people to “help others out” and it places responsibility on a community for molding the children within it. I wholeheartedly love and support that.

The reason I thought about this proverb is that I think there needs to be a sister saying “ “it takes a village to support a mother.” Something that I kept hearing from all of my postpartum care providers was “if mommy is happy, the baby is happy” and based on my personal experience that is very true. So, it leads me to say that one of the best ways to ensure that a child is properly supported is to help the mom feel supported. It is critical to have a support system while pregnant and after delivering your baby.

One of the biggest forms of support that we had was family. In a Covid world, we couldn’t have as many people visit as we would have liked but we were very fortunate to have my mother stay with us for four months. We actually kind of kidnapped her. She was supposed to stay one month but then we were waiting to see when my fibroid surgery might take place and then we needed help with the move—so we kept her. What I found though is that I didn’t need her to take care of the baby, I wanted to learn how to care for my baby and to bond with her. What I did need was for someone to take care of me and my household. Just because I was a mom now didn’t mean that I didn’t need someone to take care of me.

I got a lot of advice saying that I should clearly identify roles and responsibilities in our housefold. That proved to be helpful advice in my family dynamic. We clearly identified swim lanes and that was helpful in avoiding conflict. I highly recommend getting everyone on the same page before you dive in.

I was blessed to have my mother care for me, she is really good at caring for others. She made me homemade soups, helped with laundry, and watched the baby while I went to a million follow-up appointments. I had peace of mind with her help. I know that stealing your parents isn’t always feasible so outsource if you can or call in some favors to friends. Try and get help so you can refuel and find quick moments of self-care. Self-care may not look like it did before but even a quick walk around the block alone can feel like a spa day after having a baby.

My mom was a huge piece of the puzzle but she wasn’t the only piece. I needed some of my contemporaries too. I needed a mom network that understood exactly what I was going through in this day and age. Because let me tell you, my mom and I swapped stories and things were quite different in the 80s.

All of my friends are amazing. I can only hope that you have friends like mine. If not, maybe it’s time to do inventory and upgrade if you aren’t seeing the same kind of love. I had friends, drop off an emergency breast pump, deliver meals and wine, facetime me from all over the world, send me gifts while I was pregnant to cheer me up and who checked in every day.

Can I tell you, I don’t think I showed up like this for all of my friends after they had their babies. It goes back to me saying you kind of don’t get it until you are in it. I showed up with gifts and I checked in but I don’t know if I really understood what they needed. If you have a postpartum friend, ask her if she needs lactation advice, for you to grab takeout or to watch the baby so she can take an extra-long shower.

I also leveraged and continue to leverage many wellness experts. I always make time for mental health, I meet with my healer one to two times per month over the phone. I called him shortly after my delivery to help with my surgery PTSD and I cried it out on the phone with him and then fell asleep — while I was still on the phone. That was hands down one of the best therapy sessions (and sleep) I have had to date. It is helpful to have an unbiased party you can dish it all to and who will never cast any judgment. Judgment is kryptonite for a new mom.

I also wanted to “beat” the fibroid holistically if I could so I dove into eastern medicine. I went to acupuncture and found that while it was disguised as acupuncture it felt like another therapy session but this time from a fellow mom. My acupuncturist was warm, empathetic and helped me heal in so many ways. We would talk about breastfeeding challenges and I would update her on my experience as a new mom. I found a practitioner who is focused on pregnancy and postpartum health. She was a recommendation from one of the mamas in my tribe. It was really hard to find the time to do this and I sometimes felt stressed and guilty leaving the baby but it was necessary to fill my cup. Mom and my husband pitched in so I could go and baby did her thing too. I leveraged my insurance for this care so that’s something to explore since it can get pricy.

Another amazing resource that I leveraged was a lactation consultant. She was recommended by another amazing mom in my tribe. I am going to write a whole other post on breastfeeding because I have a whole lot of thoughts on that subject but for now what I will say is that it was great to work with a lactation consultant who represented my needs and who wasn’t preaching her agenda, something that irritated me a bit at the hospital.

Lastly, make sure that your doctors match your personality. My OB and Hazel’s pediatrician have been critical in my postpartum journey. I ask them a million questions, call when I need to and there hasn’t been an ounce of judgment.

Something I will leave you with, my OB talked to me about “postpartum depletion” the other day when she was telling me not to get pregnant any time soon (she is a funny woman). And the concept is so interesting yet simple, the body is depleted after having a baby (so don’t go and have another right away). Yes, I can attest to that and I think that so many other women can too. It is important to fill the voids when you are depleted.

I shared some of the things that I did to fill my voids based on my circumstances and needs. That may look entirely different for you. Please recognize that it is not only okay but it is critical to ask for help and to receive it. We are all juggling so much as moms and eventually if you keep juggling one of the balls does drop. You deserve a community too and just like the proverb says one that makes you feel like you are in a safe and healthy environment.

I’m sharing some of my bay area wellness experts, please comment if you have any experts in your city that may be helpful to anyone who stumbles upon this post.

The root and branch accupuncture

• I would see Courtney Reiman

• Adrienne Lalanne also provided me with an amazing postpartum massage where I released so much tension and I subsequently pumped my personal best that night

BreastfeedingSF

• Farrell Tophman was a wonderful help with breastfeeding and increasing supply

My friends

• Just kidding, you can’t have my friends :)

Monday Mantra

Fear. It is an ugly 4 letter word. It is probably one of the ugliest 4 letter words that you can say. I rather have you say the other word that starts with an "F". Heck, I encourage you to use that other word that we both know and use so well... I love using that word to strongly emphasize my feelings. But fear...that word is really the dirty one. It paralyzes you, diminishes you and makes you revaluate your self worth. No word should be given such authority. The truth is, we should not give it authority. A lot of times, fear is self inflicted by self limiting thoughts. When you say I'm afraid of "blank" a lot of the times that "blank" is something you aren't good at or maybe something that challenges you or maybe something your afraid of being judged on. Unless that blank is spiders (I mean who has 8 legs) you should face that fear. You should evaluate and embrace it. Ask yourself and be honest, "why am I afraid of this?" Truly answer why and see if you have misread the situation. Maybe you are perceiving something that isn't real. Maybe you are living in past or future tense without embracing the present moment. When you embrace the present moment, all fear disappears. It unmasks the stuff we are making up in our minds and it sheds light on our true essence which is to be brave. To be present. To be alive. 

Find one thing that you are afraid of and simply ask, why? And then see if maybe your perception is jaded. Challenge yourself this week to come into closer contact with that fear. Embrace it and unveil it.

wishing you light, love and courage  

Monday Mantra

By all means, meditation is freaking hard, it's work. It's not easy but it's not impossible. It also gets easier the more you do it. It's an investment on the very best asset in your life: you. When people ask me for tips on meditation first of all, I say: "just start". It's all you can do. Start with 5 minutes a day and add on 1 minute every week and before you know it, you'll be mediating for 10 minutes a day. Use music, use silence, use whatever will get you there. Also, recognize that the chatter is normal. You would have to be Buddah to completely silent right off the bat. Although it is challenging to silence the mind, it doesn't mean we can't ignore it. Essentially, don't identify with the thoughts. Let them come and go and every time you feel there is just a little space, a little quiet, that is actually you. Be the space, feel the space. Treat your mind like a toddler. If it throws a tantrum, look the other way. Ignore it until it decides to behave AKA shutting up. A lot of anxiety in our lives is caused by identification with thoughts. Mostly all past and future tense related. Let the thoughts dance in and out of your mind, you'll eventually realize that they only gather strength if you let them take over. If you feed it, you will fuel it. Make space this week. Make space for the true you which is not equivalent to the stories we make up in our minds. Be present, be the space.

Monday Mantra

I wouldn't agree with every outfit or life experience Madonna has chosen but there are somethings she has aced, like her song "Open Your Heart". Do you think "Close Your Heart" would have been a successful hit? Well news flash, it's not a successful hit in your life either. This week's Monday Mantra is easy. Take a moment to open your heart and with that you may see that your mind opens, your body relaxes and endless opportunities become available to you. The heart is the superior organ, not the brain. Yeah, I'm aware that the brain is located physically above the heart on your body. So what, that doesn't make it superior. Think about how many times your brain has made mistakes. It's kind of like the weather man of the body. It can get the weather wrong and still keep its job. How is that fair? On the contrary, every time I listen to my heart which sometimes feels like your gut the darn thing is always right. In this case, your heart is like your parent's sound advice you ignored and lived to regret. I could have saved myself lots and lots of "mia culpas" had I listed to my heart instead of following my know it all brain. 

Lately, when I meditate, I take a moment to honor my heart. I listen to it beating, I feel it beating and I give gratitude for it's immense capability to forgive, love, heal and keep me present. Living more within your heart center will keep you grounded and satisfied with the choices you make when you listen to it. My friend Deepak (I wish he was my friend...so bad) says that you should listen to what it tells you when you need to make a decision -- I'm totally paraphrasing. Essentially, get a gut check when you need help making a choice and give that overpaid and overworked brain of yours a break.

I have also been incorporating this philosophy into my yoga practice. I try to arrive at the mat present and unaffected by the physical outcome. When I do that, my heart sings (maybe even Madonna) because I let it lead. Check out an article I wrote for SF Yoga Mag on my experience with Bhakti yoga.  

Join the chorus and sing it loud this week..."Open your heart to me, baby".....wear a cone bra too if your heart feels like it!

Rock on xo

Monday Mantra

So, I guess you are wondering where the heck I have been? I must apologize as I feel like we went on a lot of really good dates and then I never called you back. I want you to know that it is truly not "you" and it has been all "me". 

Moving from one neighborhood to the next in the same city is already a pain in the ass. Moving cross-country is an inexplicable pain. I might as well have moved to a new country. It feels similar to when I moved to Italy well over a decade ago, that's how foreign some things truly are to me. Finding out that there are cultural differences within the same country has been so weird, it's something I didn't anticipate. Being a New Yorker, I was kind of cocky in thinking that New York is the center of the universe. I hate to tell you, but it's not. Lots of good stuff is going down elsewhere and just like New York other cities have their charm and areas of expertise. Taming that New York attitude has been interesting. You don't realize how much a place is part of your identity and how it clearly feeds into your ego until you detach from it. I will always keep many of my amazing New York characteristics but the truth is, I am in someone else's turf now so, adaptability is key. 

What I am learning the most about however; is me. I am learning all sorts of good, bad and ugly stuff. You learn where you have strengths and when you are just human which is not a weakness but something to stop and acknowledge. I didn't realize that my ego would spiral out of control when we finally got here. The ego needs external attachments in order to feed its identity. By physically moving, I have stripped away many previous "labels" and "identities". As a result, my ego is having a melt down because it doesn't know who to be. The beauty of this challenge has been that now, I am forced to look beyond the ego and into my higher Self. I can harness this detachment and reclaim my higher Self as worthy beyond the ego. In the end, the ego is truly no one and your higher Self is everything.

Another valuable lesson has been learning that I can't control the world. I am barely able to control any given day or when my freaking couch delivery occurs. I wanted to have everything strategically set immediately upon arrival and life just doesn't work that way. Giving yourself the responsibility to control endless variables is totally unfair. You are so setting yourself up for failure which can then lead to a variety of negative emotions. As a result of that amazing lesson, I wake up every day now saying that the day will unfold as it should. I will not have control over it but enjoy being part of its manifestation. Join me this week in living in acceptance versus expectation. The need to control is prevalent in many areas of our lives but it is a very unhealthy focus. Let go and live, that is where you can truly exceed.

In a nutshell, I have been MIA as I have been working through a massive transition but I'm here now, working through it and willing to share the journey.

Monday Mantra

So I am not a big fan of using words like "right" or "wrong" but if I am going to ever use them, I think I will use them now. I have done something very wrong. I have disobeyed this very sage advice: "allow yourself permission to enjoy the adventure of life". If every bit of life is "planned" then it is not an adventure. Oh, and sorry to break it to you but if you think you are adventurous just because you are visiting a cool city or country but you have a full blown itinerary (that you will rigidly stick to) that doesn't make you adventurous. The destination may be adventurous but you aren't. I know, I'm harsh sometimes.

When I was moving to San Francisco, I was so impressed with myself. Wow, "I'm so adventurous" I thought. I also thought, "I am not the kind of person who needs a meticulous life plan, I can go with the flow and figure it out as I go along".  What I failed to note is that I am go with the flow for about two weeks, you know, just about as long as a good vacation. I started to fall apart once we were into week three. All of a sudden, I couldn't stand not having one constant in the midst of change. I wanted to know where I would be living, working, and visiting New York again. I wanted to know EVERYTHING. The idea of not having any answers started to cause an insane amount of fear and anxiety within me. All of a sudden, I was fragile. I was afraid. I thought if what I "want" and "need" doesn't manifest now, will I never "have" it? I am using an excessive amount of quotation marks because I realize that what I think I "want" and "need" aren't always truly what I should "have". What the heck do I really know in comparison to the awesome universe? It truly does have a supreme plan for you. It's as if you were trying to compete with your friend who is an event planner on throwing an amazing halloween party (stay with me on this one). Instead of just going to her awesome party that runs so seamlessly and every detail is accounted for, you decide to throw your own party.  You stress yourself out, forget a bunch of things and impose experiences on people that you think are cool but really aren't. Why did you resist the expert? Why didn't you just go to the damn party instead of competing with it? This is like you VS the universe and if this comparison is hard to follow, just think of bridesmaids.  You (in this case me) are trying to fight the universe and totally think you know what is best when the universe is the one who knows what is best. What's missing in order to get rid of the anxiety and let the universe take over? Trust. Faith. And detachment. You can not be so attached to an outcome. Even when you are Type A and an OCD planner, you can't avoid every circumstance that life presents. There is always going to be stuff that we couldn't have foreseen or planned for.  In my case, I exhausted myself from all of the stress and I am giving into the universe this week for two reasons: 1. because I am freaking tired and 2. because I am reading Deepak Chopra's The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success and it is helping me achieve a different POV. His ridiculously soothing voice and logic, have managed to talk me off the ledge. Join me this week in experiencing detachment and having a little bit of faith.  Link to the book is below in case it can help you too. I hope my honesty with my journey can help you in some way, shape or form. Wishing you endless light, peace and love.

Monday Mantra

Okay, I have been very naughty.  I need to go back and reread every freaking Monday Mantra I have written and then say to myself…“hey girl, practice what you preach”. So, I am one week into this marvelous new city: San Francisco! I'm kind of a Cali girl right now. Well at least a partial Cali girl. I kind of like the idea of being ½ NYC and ½ Cali girl. It’s the best of both worlds and kind of like being ½ Irish and ½ Dominican except, for the times when I have to apologize for the bad temper that this lethal combination has created. Yes I have a temper because I am human and there is plenty of shit I am working through #everydamnday. Anyway… as per usual, I digress. I have been naughty because I have not been taking my own advice of being in the present moment. Something amazing about switching from NYC to Cali is like all of a sudden life gets turned down a notch. I am kind of walking through life as if I just experienced the most epic svasana ever. For non-yogis it’s as if I am on xanax and for those of you who have never found themselves in need of a xanax (lucky you), I'm just slower. But slower in a very good way because I am not annoying everyone around me for being slow because they are all slow too. So you would think this is all good, right?

Well, I may have physically slowed down but the chatter in my mind is sprinting through the streets. I have only been here a week and I think I should have a million things settled by now. Like where am I working, where am I living, who’s coming to my birthday party in 2017 (I won’t have one this year because I don’t really know anyone yet). So this is all of the crap going on in my head while only being here one week. Meanwhile, I have gone on 2 interviews, I have inquired about teaching in two locations, I’ve hung out with 2 people who live here and I have made 2 new friends. That’s weird. As I wrote this down 1. I realize that everything seems to be happening in 2s for me and 2. I am an overachiever. I might as well have joined 2 charities and tried to run for local politics. WTF? I am worried that I won’t get shit done. Really? Something that hits me like a ton do bricks is something that my sage healer says (obsessed). He says, that I should know that I have worth for being absolutely still. For doing nothing. For simply being. It is in my “control patterns” to feel like I need to define every minute of my day and to create “worth”. Honestly, that’s kind of sad. A lot of us do it and I am not ashamed to share that. A lot of us feel like we need to define our worth by monetary compensation, the illusion of power, responsibilities and having every second of the day accounted for. This post is kind of therapeutic because every paragraph that passes I am thinking WOW I need to take it down a few notches. Even just one notch. This yogi needs to get yogi.

One of the things that becomes very clear to me is that it is hard for us to go beyond our comfort zones. You have your usual coffee, yoga, nail spot, etc. Whatever you need done, you have a place for it. We are kind of creatures of habit and sometimes we forget that there is a big bad world around us with plenty more to discover. In the midst of my madness, I have told myself to look at this as an adventure. The opportunity to explore new places, have no judgements and to build something new upon. This is actually an opportunity, I should feel reinvigorated instead of scared. This week, week 2 in good old San Francisco, I pledge to look at this as a beginning of a new life and to let all sorts of magical opportunities to unfold. I am obviously beyond my comfort zone already by being here, now I plan on diving in so I can let life begin. 

xo

Monday Mantra

Stop acting like you will get 100 do-overs because you won’t. You are not on an audition, this isn’t the practice exam; it’s the real thing. What am I talking about you ask? Life that is! We keep thinking we need to get it “right” or “perfect” it. There is no such thing as either of those things. What you need to do is just be in your life, BE IN IT. Get out of your head, get out of the past because if that didn’t help you then why is it going to help you now and get the heck out of the future. I remember day- dreaming in school when I was younger and it was usually when I didn’t want to “be” in a particular class. Day dreaming about all sorts of stuff and the future took me out of the present and “elsewhere”. That was fine for my pubescent self who did not understand the value of the present moment but what about now? Should we be dreaming and willing ourselves out of our current lives? That actually relinquishes your ability to get anything marvelous and great accomplished if you are literally out of your body and the present moment. Get back in there. Get in the game; it’s the only freaking way to find happiness. Be. Life is short, it is fleeting and in the end you will be that much more fulfilled knowing you were an active and conscious participant.

Go live a little. xo

Monday Mantra

Lots of weird things are happening. First of all, it's leap year. There is this one extra day every 4 years as a corrective means to account for the sun not orbiting around the earth in exactly 365 days. This comes from the source that I trust above all other sources; wikipedia. 

Also, Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar last night in case you are still living under a rock this morning. You may stop reading now and never read my blog again when I say, I am not a big fan of Leo. Sorry, I just never have been. I've pegged him as smug since Growing Pains. I know, it is totally unfair to judge someone you do not know. I kind of act like a snubbed Victoria's Secret model and I have no explanation for it. Although, I am not about to start a fan club for him, I am happy the poor guy finally won an Oscar after 6 nominations. If I were him, I would retire if I didn't win this time around. Another thing I will reluctantly admit is that I really liked his speech. He said "I do not take tonight for granted". I love that! Okay, maybe I'll start to appreciate him more. To openly admit not taking something for granted when you are a millionaire and can do pretty much whatever you want and have people still love you is so humble and spiritually impressive. Shows he's a man living in the present and showing gratitude for all of life's blessings.

I went to a hot yoga class this morning taught by a friend and I took Leo's advice (we are definitely on a first name basis now). I took nothing for granted. I enjoyed the birds chirping at 6:30 am, the farmers setting up for the market and the warm sun on my face. In my humble opinion, the sun is orbiting just fine. 

My mantra for this week: don't take TODAY for granted. Another symbolic gesture being that it is a leap year and all, course correct here and now! Even the glorious sun, doesn't get it perfectly right. Take a moment to forgive some of the "mistakes" you have made recently, let them go and begin a new path to orbit on starting TODAY.

Wishing you love, light and a smooth orbit around the most precious thing you have...life! xo

5 Luxurious Products That Are Good For Your Skin & Your Health

Photos by Elena Eshleman

So I can be a bit fussy, about what I eat, where I work out, etc. Please note, I said fussy and not high maintenance. Essentially, I am not embarrassed to make 3 modifications to a menu item even at the risk of the waiter rolling his eyes at me (and embarrassing who I'm with). I am cautious and contentious about the kind of exercise that I do because I know this bod needs to last me another 55 years. That is, unless they figure out a way to turn us into robots by then (I'd like to be a hot robot if I'm given the option to choose). So where does this leave the biggest organ on my body...my skin? Wow! Turns out my skin has been neglected and given the short end of the stick. I actually feel like I owe my skin an apology for slathering on tons of stuff over the past few decades (yep that's how old I am and how young I started) without even questioning its origin and affects. Shame. On. Me. Not too long ago, I watched a documentary called the Human Experiment. It was around the time I became obsessed with documentaries that would put the fear of god into me. After I watched all of the food ones that would make me want to eat grass for the rest of my days, I figured...eh what the heck. Let's see what else I should not be consuming. That was the beginning of what I'd like to call my "awakening". Before I knew it, I threw out endless products that I clean with, switched to aluminum free deodorant and I started to really question "what is better beauty".  In a nutshell, the US has not passes a law to regulate the safety of personal care products since 1938. Imagine a current world where no laws have been passed since 1938 to cause any reform or improvement. What kind of world would we live in today? I can think of hundreds of things that would be wrong with today's society if that were the case. So why is the personal care industry stuck in the past when we have evolved significantly since? That would mean we have learned nothing since 1938, imagine that? Also, only 10% of chemicals in personal care products have safety data attached to them. Imagine someone told you that about the food you eat or feed your children? This makes it no different. Last thought I'll leave you with, the EU has restricted 1,300 ingredients and we have restricted 11. I am not a mathematician but that seems pretty off to me. Overall, as I mentioned, I care to know more about what I use and what I do and how that affects me. I am by no means perfect and I understand I can't live in a bubble but I can in fact make small and informed changes in my life. I will work on controlling the variables that I can. Full disclosure, I became a Beautycounter Consultant so I can enrich my life and help others make better beauty decisions. If there is anything you'd like to try from the below, you can find my page (and badass picture) here. This is also a mission super close to my heart, Beautycounter is fighting for reform and going straight to Congress for those changes. We all need to play our role to empower ourselves, one decision and one product at a time.

On the flip side, I am a taurus to the T. I love luxury and I will not compromise that even while I aim to be more contentious of what I consume. I want to share with you a few products that are luxury approved by me that will be kind to your skin, appealing to your senses and mindful of your health. You can totes have a spa day at home with these products. I just tried Zeel for the first time and I am obsessed. If you have never used them, you can use promo code: RELAX and save $25 off your first massage like I did! For an at home spa day, I would recommend, starting with a Zeel massage and then using some or all of these products for the finishing touches. Have a robe handy, some soothing music, light a few candles and grab a delicious read. 

1. Start with a nice and clean canvas. I love the Counter Time Nourishing Cleansing Balm. It feels like a spa day every day when I use this product. I like to compare the consistency to coconut oil. You apply this on to dry skin and massage it in. You then use the wash cloth it comes with and remove it with warm water and then rinse it off with cold water. I am falling asleep from being so relaxed as I type this. If you have oily skin, I would not recommend this product.

2. Tata Harper's Resurfacing Mask this product does in fact provide an instant glow. I use it before my shoots and you need only 10 to 30 minutes to see amazing results. You can apply it and multi-task around the house or indulge in a trashy gossip magazine like I would. I love how this brand grows its own ingredients and manufactures the products. They also give back to the planet with their renewable mission.

3. I have pretty dry skin so I love a face oil like no one else. A massage, daily environmental stressors or even a kick ass work out will dry you up. A face oil will restore all of that. These come in three scents and from what I have seen, I can't really recommend one specifically as scent is so personal. I would check these out and see which generally appeals to you most. They come in Calendula (sensitive skin), Jasmine (dry or mature skin) and Ylang, Ylang and Wild Chamomile.

4. Scrub it off. I love peeling off the layers. A good scrub gets rid of the old and let's in the new. Full disclosure, I accidentally ate some of this and it was pretty tasty but I don't recommend that. It's a sugar scrub and I am in fact a sugar junkie (I know, sugar isn't great for you but I need to conquer the world in baby steps).

5. Lastly, top it off with an oil party. If you just had a massage, you are no stranger to oil by now. After a scrub, oil will seep in to your skin and hydrate you very, very well. I would apply this generously on to the body and put that robe back on. If you are putting on some clothes, give it a few minutes to sink into your skin. No clothes, no problem. Get on the couch with a book or Downton Abby (my current poison) but for goodness sakes, at least wear a robe.

Monday Mantra

I'll be honest and say that this Monday Mantra is to help give me more strength on my current journey and I hope I to empower you by sharing my own vulnerabilities. Change is hard. It doesn't matter how adventurous you are or how "ready" you are for it, it's always challenging especially once it starts to happen. I think we all desperately want change and then when it happens we freak out and start to back pedal because maybe somewhere deep down inside, we didn't think it was actually ever going to happen. Or maybe we just like to complain all the time and blame external forces for the situations we become complacent in.

In any event, I have surprised myself. Quite honestly, I never cease to which keeps my relationship with myself very interesting. I am in the midst of a cross-country move. In three weeks, this native New Yorker moves to San Francisco. I absolutely love change. I know that I have one life to live and I want to maximize every minute of it. I love the idea of an unknown journey and all of the possibilities that it may lend. Nevertheless, I have spent two weeks being irritable, stressed, emotional and resistant to this change. I am sure there are lots of underlying reasons causing this. The primary driver and constant reason would be fear. Of course there is fear that comes with the unknown, what we can't control and the sense of no longer belonging. The truth is that even if I stand still, I can find 1,000 things to be fearful of right here and now. There is nothing we can per say "control" in life nor should we truly want to. As a result, I will be following this mantra this week. I plan on jumping in head first and dancing versus standing still. I will put on some dancing shoes and simply float with it.

Wishing you immense love and light this week xo

Monday Mantra

The mind is such a powerful instrument. It has the ability to manifest feelings and emotions within you and it also has the ability to manifest creations outside of you. Everything that you feel, believe or think becomes manifested in some way, shape or form. We are the creators of our universe which means you actually have endless potential to create good, to shift your current and future predicament. All you have to do is actually believe that you can and start taking note of what thoughts fuel what in your life. This week every time "can't" pops into your mind replace it with "can" and watch the endless opportunities unfold. 

xo

Monday Mantra

It's a new month. It is also the second month in this new year. A perfect time to check-in and see where you are. I love the beginning of a new week, hour, month, year, you name it. Although I strongly believe in making changes in the present and not waiting for the "perfect" moment, a little moment never killed anyone. I love the idea of a fresh start propelling us to vibrate at a higher frequency. With this new week and new month upon us, ask yourself the three simple questions:

1. Am I going after what I want?

2. Am I even asking for what I want? Maybe that refers to asking someone or even asking the universe for what you want. Maybe you need to check in and ask yourself, "what do I want"?!

3. Am I stepping forward or standing still?

The only way to have answers is by simply asking questions. Sometimes, that is all that it takes...the willingness to inquire, explore and check in. This week, I encourage you to have a sit down with your self and ask these simple questions. Be open and receptive to the answers, you may just blow yourself away.

xo

Monday Mantra

Okay, this is a tough one but after a long snowstorm, I think we all need a kick in the ass. I like this quote because it pretty much applies to anything in your life. That body, job, man, etc. that you want isn't going to magically happen appear into your life. You need to put energy and effort into it in order to materialize it. Yes, I wish someone gave me a magic "Get J. Lo's ass" pill but that's never going to happen. What I can rely on is the immense power to execute that lies within me and lies within each and everyone of us. You have the power to change endless things in your life if and only if you choose to harness it. Let's all get off the "couch" and seize what we really want rather than day dreaming about it while sitting there.

Still love you, mean it xo

Warm Up Your Winter Skin

Freezing winter weather calls for lots of warm layers, hot drinks, and cute hats and gloves. Unfortunately another common effect of winter weather is dry, flaky skin and chapped lips. Here are some tips on how to have your best skin during – and despite – the coldest months of the year.

Hydrate from the inside out

Your skin is the largest organ in your body, and your body is approximately 60% water. When you’re properly hydrated, your skin is more plump and elastic which makes it less likely to crack. 

Staying hydrated isn’t only essential for maintaining healthy skin, but also for your overall well-being. When the temperature dips below freezing, you may be tempted to reach for a hot cup of coffee or cocoa, but these beverages can actually dehydrate you since they are diuretics. Make sure to stay hydrated by drinking enough water every day and by spreading out your water consumption throughout the day instead of drinking an entire day’s worth of water at once. If you consume a lot of water in a short period of time, your body and skin won’t be able to absorb it all!

Consider investing in a cool water bottle to ensure you’re always hydrated, whether you’re at the office or out for a run.

Additionally, apps like Plant Nanny (available for free download at the the App Store and Google Play) remind you to drink water throughout the day and reward you with a tiny virtual garden that grows as you stay hydrated. The app takes your height, weight, and activity level into account in order to gauge the amount of water you should be drinking each day.

Exfoliate to make way for clear skin

Exfoliating removes dry, dead skin cells from your skin’s surface and accelerates the growth of smooth, young cells in their place. Use a gentle exfoliant – like Frank Body’s Creamy Face Scrub or Lush’s Ocean Salt – once to three times a week depending on your skin type.  

Your face isn’t the only part of your body that needs to be exfoliated! When your lips are chapped, use a gentle lip product like Lush’s Lip Scrub to remove the dry skin. Ocean Salt also works wonders on dry elbows and knees.

Over-exfoliating can actually dry out your skin, so make sure not to exfoliate more than two or three times a week! Exfoliating in moderation is imperative, because it allows moisturizers to more fully penetrate your skin. Some products, like Aqua Glycolic Face Cream, will simultaneously exfoliate and moisturize.

Moisturize at least once a day

After washing or exfoliating your face, allow your skin to dry before applying a moisturizer. Make sure to use the right moisturizer for your skin type. If  you have oily or combination skin, use a light moisturizer like Yes To Carrots Day Facial Moisturizer or Glossier Priming Moisturizer, as heavier products can cause you to over-produce oil or break out. If you have dry skin, use extra-hydrating moisturizers like Clinique Moisture Surge Intense or First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream.

Don’t forget about the rest of your body! Products like Yes To Carrots Hand Cream, Cetaphil’s Daily Advance Ultra Hydrating Lotion, and CeraVe Renewing Skin Lotion will keep your skin soft from your neck to your toes.

Protect your skin from sun damage

Sun damage is the last thing on anyone’s mind during the harsh winter months, but it’s important to protect your skin year-round! Don’t forget to apply sunscreen to your face and any exposed areas of your body, even when the temperatures are below zero.

Monday Mantra

Reprogram your mind. Eradicate negative patterns by removing certain words from your inner monologue. Words like can't and won't will weigh you down and take you further and further away from reaching any of your goals. Fear of judgment and acceptance make us default to some of these words. The possible becomes impossible when we fuel fear. Fear can be crippling but can be minimized when you focus on the present moment. The past will cause you to identify with pain and the future will provide an unnecessary level of anxiety. Remaining focused on the present moment will allow you to nurture a better relationship with yourself because it eliminates the ego's incessant chatter in your mind.  You are listening so, when you say things like I can't or I'm not enough, you begin to create negative patterns and turn words into manifestations. 

One of my New Year's resolutions is to be kinder to myself. We place so much pressure on ourselves by trying to live up to our competitive surroundings. My mission is not to change the world externally but to change my world internally. Now, when I wake up every morning, I have a quick chat with myself. I do this before I am out of bed, check my phone or drink coffee. I let the very first few things that I hear and say be words of kindness and love. First, I give thanks for being alive and then I begin to say things like I am loved, I am kindness, I am healthy, I am whole, I am prosperity and I am enough. These are just a few examples of the things that I find useful; you can say anything that resonates deeply with you. In essence, you should be reversing all of the negative constructs that you normally say into positive ones. Once you begin to harness these positive words, you will begin to reprogram not only your mind but also your life. Anything you deeply believe becomes possible. We are always seeking to have healthier relationships with people in our lives and to fuel better communication why wouldn't the same apply to the relationship with ourselves? Join me this week on a journey to being kinder to oneself. Find the mantras that resonate with you and have them be the first words you utter every morning. As the day passes, if you find yourself removed from the present moment repeat words of love and encouragement to yourself. It will ground you and give you the extra push you need to stay focused and determined. 

xoxo

Kelly

Monday Mantra

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend! The first full week of the New Year is now complete. This provides us with a great opportunity to stop and check in...Did you set unreasonable goals? Do you feel like you are struggling before you have even started or are you already surpassing the goals you set? In any event, no need to obsess whether or not your answer is the former or the latter. What you need to focus on is getting and staying on the path of accomplishing your goals. The way to do that is by setting small goals that are attainable. Small and attainable goals will keep you motivated all year long. Once you tackle a few, you will build trust within yourself knowing that you have the capacity to fuel and conquer them.

My mantra for this week is start TODAY. Set these goals and don’t wait for 2017, don’t wait for the “perfect” time before you kick-start your life. Simply, start today. That in itself is a small and attainable goal: starting. Don’t race for a finish line; instead, hang on for the ride of your life.   

Wishing you oodles of love, light and happiness this week xo

New Year, Best You!

Photo by Thomas Northcut/Photodisc / Getty Images

I hate it when people say "New Year, New You." The reason being is that I kind of take that personally! What the heck is wrong with the current me? Let's be honest, the time simply changed from one minute to the next. It went from 11:59 PM to 12:00 AM like it does every single night the other 364 days of the year. I just spent 12 months with the "old me" and I don't think she was so bad that we need to completely replace her. How about a 2.0 version? That is the rant that goes on in my head every time I hear someone say "New Year, New You." As a result, I would like to plant a new seed. How about "New Year, Better You" or we can reach for the stars together and claim "Best You."

On a very positive note, there is this crazy momentum that develops with the thought of a "New Year." What is so symbolic about the change from one year to the next and how do we take advantage of the positive energy that it cultivates? I wonder, what inspiration does it provide that we were lacking all year long? Let's harness that inspiration and have it transcend across minutes, days, months and years for as long as we can. We should be looking at each new day as a new opportunity. There's no need to wait for a new year to begin in order to make positive changes in your life. Let's make a resolution together and vow that we will take advantage of the great momentum that this new year has afforded us, but let's not have it stop at the end of January when resolutions fizzle. Let's really take each and every moment as an opportunity to create and cultivate the life we want.

I spoke to Sarah Bogdanski, a certified Life Coach, to get you some amazing tips on how to set goals and maintain them in 2016. Her info and links to her website are at the bottom of this post:

Kelly: There are no dumb questions and we are in a safe space so I will ask, what is a Life Coach?  

Sarah: A Life Coach is someone who helps others make a change, move forward, or work towards a specific goal. A life coach helps you get from where you are in your life right now, to where you want to be, and may work with you on your relationships, career, confidence, finances, health, business venture – or anything really! They can help you change your thinking, help you get un-stuck, conquer fear, and inspire you to be your very best self. They are objective and non-judgmental, support you and your goals, motivate and inspire you, hold you accountable, and cheer you on as you achieve what you want and desire.

Kelly: What made you become a Life Coach?

Sarah: A few years back I was at a turning point in my life. My life was generally good, but I wasn’t really happy. I felt stuck – because I had all these ideas of the life I envisioned, but couldn’t seem to figure out how to get there. I felt like I was on auto-pilot with my career, I wasn’t happy with my daily routine of life, and I couldn’t seem to meet the right guy. So I hired my own life coach, and got really clear on my vision of what I wanted in life. I was able to get past mental blocks in my thinking and resolve some fears and limiting beliefs that I have developed over the course of my lifetime. In this process, I felt like I discovered a pot a gold! Within months of this profound experience, my life completely changed, and everything I dreamed of became a reality. I moved to a new city into my dream apartment, fell in love with an amazing man, started to earn and save more money, and began putting the wheels in motion to get my coaching certification. It’s like all the clouds in my head had moved out of the way, and I was now so focused on moving forward toward my dreams. With this life changing experience, I realized I wanted to be that person for others, and help them create positive changes in their life and relationships too; to get off auto-pilot with their life, get un-stuck, move the clouds out of the way and create an extraordinary life they dream of! 

Kelly: What has it personally taught you?

Sarah: That we all have the wisdom within ourselves. That we are each the owners of our lives, and not victims of past circumstances. That we can create the life we envision and that we all hold the key to our own happiness and success. Lastly, that should all live life on our terms – no one else's!

Kelly: Everyone says “New Year, New You.” what are your thoughts on that? Should it be a concept of a "New You?" Or the ability to create and shift into a better you?

Sarah: In the New Year, there is a sense of renewal and starting fresh, which is a wonderful feeling to have. And with this sentiment, it’s a great time to plan how to create a better, happier you. I believe who we are in this moment is a sum of all of our experiences, thoughts, choices and emotions that have led us to this point in time. And while all of those things led us to where we are today, we always have the choice to change, pivot or accelerate at any given point. So yes – recreating yourself and shifting, even amplifying who you are in this new season, is all up to you! The beauty is, not just in the New Year, but at any moment in time, we have the ability to create a better version of ourselves.

Kelly: People tend to set resolutions in the New Year but have difficulty conquering them. Any thoughts here?

Sarah: We all have so many ideas of what we want to change or goals we want to achieve. The problem is, many times they stay in our head and never move into action. Typically this is because our thinking holds us back – whether it’s because we’re too focused on what we don’t have, we are dwelling on the past, we don’t have clarity in what exactly we want, we feel overwhelmed or have fears about making changes. 

Kelly:  If you had to boil it down what would be 3 essential tips to starting the year right?

Sarah: My 3 Essential Tips are all rooted in mindset and how this then translates into action. By focusing on your mindset first, you’ll put yourself in a strong place to move forward and achieve creating the best version of you. Here are my tips:

1. Celebrate Your Wins 
Before you start working on a better version of yourself in the New Year, be sure to acknowledge all you’ve accomplished already. Take a look back at the past year and write down all successes you already achieved and all the awesomeness that you are today. This practice will direct your thinking to a positive place. And once you’re in that positive groove with your thoughts, they will lead you to make better choices and take better action to your greatness. Be grateful for your past successes, and let those wins be your fuel to really BLAST OFF in the new year!

2. Get Clear on Your Vision 
Many times we tend to live life by what others or society expects of us. Or we stay stuck in a certain place because it’s our safety zone – like a career we’ve been in (even though we aren’t happy) because we’re climbing the ladder and feel like we’re too far ahead to make a change – or in a dead-end relationship that isn’t going anywhere but you’d rather stay in it and be miserable than start over again.  I challenge you to own your path this year. It can be hard to do, but allow yourself to get out of your own head (or stop listening to what others’ want for you) and focus on your heart and what it’s telling you. Listen deeply and decide what you truly want and desire for YOU. From there, get it out on paper. Once you write something down, it becomes much more powerful and helps the process begin to take shape.

3. Take Action & Get Support There’s no better time to creating the better version of you than right this very moment! Timing is never perfect, and to get started you just need to put one foot in front of the other. Baby steps are good! And be realistic with your goals. If you want to start going to the gym, going from 0 days a week to 5 days a week right away is extreme, and setting yourself up by biting more than you can chew typically doesn’t result in success, but failure. Instead, start slow and go once or twice a week. After you do that for a while and get into a nice groove, up it to more days. Or let’s say you want to save a certain amount of money this year. Make sure you look at your budget and be realistic with your savings each week. Come up with a do-able number – because if you overestimate you may drop off from saving after just a few weeks because it’s too much of a financial struggle. Over time, you will build toward your goal by taking realistic, smaller steps to get there. In addition, have someone support you, hold you accountable, and cheer you on in the process. Be it a friend, family member, significant other, or coach, having someone you can confide in and have as a sounding board on your journey to greatness will be just what you need to keep you on track and celebrate with you as you cross the finish line.

Kelly: What do you need to do to stick to the plan?

Sarah: Persistence. Even if you’re working hard towards your goal and there seem to be bumps in the road – don’t give up. These bumps help you grow and make you stronger each and every time you get past them. So if you’re trying to eat better, and you have a day where you aren’t sticking to plan, don’t throw your goal out the window and give up. Be kind to yourself and accept that moment, and then focus back to your vision and keep moving forward. When I was younger, my mom once told me “If you insist and you persist, you achieve and conquer.” I never forgot that message, it’s true! Little by little, those moments of persistence will guide you to conquering your goals.                             

Kelly: What area do you find people are the most challenged in? What’s your advice for getting past this?

Sarah: People are really tough on themselves. If they have a bad day or don’t achieve exactly what they wanted when they wanted it, they beat themselves up over it and feel like a failure. And when that happens, many times this is the place where people give up completely. My advice is to be kind to yourself and treat yourself with compassion. We’re all human and we all have tough moments or a bad day. If you trip along the way, be curious as to why you had that challenge and then pick back up and keep it moving. Sometimes those moments that seem the toughest are actually right before our biggest breakthroughs.

Let’s get personal:

Kelly: Printed or basic leggings? 

Sarah: Printed all the way.

Kelly: What is your favorite brand in the athleisure space?

Sarah: Right now I am digging Lululemon! They’re fun and funky and hug your body in JUST the right places.

Kelly: What is your favorite/go-to sweat session?

Sarah: Yoga and Pilates have become integral to my routine. Yoga for relaxation and stretching, Pilates for overall toning and strength (mental and physical).

Kelly: Are you a luxury lover, a backpack kind of gal or something in the middle?

Sarah: Somewhere in the middle, but I can go both ways too!

Kelly:  Donuts, cakes or cookies?

Sarah: Chocolate chip cookies with sea salt sprinkled on top!

I couldn't agree more with the advice Sarah shared. Be kind to yourself and believe that you have endless opportunities to make any enhancements to your life that you truly want to make at any point in time. 

Interested in learning more about how to work with Sarah? Click here to arrange a free coaching consult and learn about her private and group coaching programs.

About Sarah:  

Sarah Bogdanski is an NYU Certified Coach who helps individuals who are ready for positive change in their lives and relationships. She works with clients all over the country and from different walks of life. Sarah aims to help people uncover mental blocks, conquer fear, and support them in creating an action plan they are excited about. Contact Sarah for a free coaching consult. Connect with Sarah on Facebook and Instagram, and sign up for her newsletter at www.sarahbogdanski.com for inspiration and tips around life and relationships, plus receive insider access to special programs and promotions.

Monday Mantra

It is now the end of another month and for those of you in the US who just celebrated Thanksgiving, it is also the end of another big holiday. This year, I was super grateful to have some contemplative down time especially in the midst of holiday madness. Thanksgiving tends to be my favorite holiday because it is not about the gifts, it is about spending time with those you care for. Christmas or gift giving holidays place such a heavy emphasis on what you "get" and in some cases that makes people focus on what they "don't have". Every holiday should be a celebration of what you do have. Anything additional that comes into your life as a result of that holiday is an added perk but should not be the focal point of the celebration. Don't get me wrong, I do love to give and get a great present but, I do not give it authority to determine the state of happiness. I plan on being happy with or without any gifts as the greatest gift that I possess is me, and that can not be bottled or boxed. It can not be contained or owned.

This Thanksgiving was kind of comical. We had a small fire in the stove. BTW, those yams are dangerous. Once you put aluminum foil on them they should be classified as a weapon. We had to do a lot of improvising as a result. My boyfriend ran out and found a dutch oven right as all the stores were closing and we ate about 4 hours behind schedule. In spite of us all getting hangry, we had each other and we knew it was only a matter of time before we could sit down and celebrate. This placed all the emphasis on the food and how grateful we were to salvage all of our hard work.

We had some new friends join us this year and one friend printed out all of these wonderful sayings and stapled them to lotto scratchy games. After she distributed them, each person went around the room and read theirs. It was a really nice thing to do. Ironically we all received ones that spoke to us on a very personal level. The below is the message that I was provided with, one that reminded me to be grateful for all moments in life, even the difficult ones as it all makes me who I am. It is nice to be grateful for the good in our lives. It is also very important to see and understand the lessons life provides us that aren't so good. I am not saying you should love or celebrate the "bad" but assess it and leverage it to further guide you on your journey. Ask yourself what it helps you uncover that maybe you were unable to see or understand before. Every experience provides a new perspective and a deeper understanding of who we are but it takes a willing soul to search for the truth in every scenario.

Wishing you a week where you are able to "see it all" and appreciate what life has to offer in every scenario. With love and gratitude, Kelly xo

I am Grateful For YOU Giveaway

Hi Friends!

I could not be more grateful for all of YOU. I am so touched by all of the love and support that I have received since I decided to launch KORE by Kelly. You all inspire me each and every single day to keep living my dreams. Without you, the struggle would have been harder and each step forward less sweet. I whole heartedly appreciate each and every one of you for reading, following and sharing. I appreciate that you give me words of kindness, with out knowing, on days I need it most. 

With that said, I am hosting my FIRST ANNUAL (which means that I am here to stay and not going anywhere) I am Grateful for YOU Giveaway!  To enter, you have to follow me on instagram (or already be following me) @KOREbyKelly and tag a friend who you are grateful for this year! YES, let's spread the love! A random winner will be sepected on Friday at 6 pm EST. The prize is $100 to one of my fave online stores inflow STYLE (who I am also grateful for).  In case you forgot, it's the online store I featured in "Be The Life Of The Party" post with the awesome pineapple pants. They have amazing brands like Saucha, Dharma Bums, GOLDSHEEP, Blue Life Fit and so many more! Please share with friends, love you, mean it.